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Joke of the Day

"so there's this group of people who are protecting a van they call themselves the Vanguard"

"Son asks ""Dad, do you die if you lose your head?"" Dad responds ""That is a no-brainer"""

"What is an alcoholic Mexican's favorite book? Tequila Mockingbird"

"I think it would be great if ice cream licked you back."

"I've asked a flight attendant to change my seat because of crying baby next to me It turns out you can't do that if baby is yours."

"(prostate exam) Dr: WOW! I've never seen this before Me: OMG! WHAT *loud click Me: DID YOU JUST TAKE A SELFIE Dr:.. And send Me: WTF?"

"ah, mercury's going retrograde, that explains why i accidentally squandered my entire youth"

"Why don't cannibals like to eat clowns? Because they taste funny."

"In this era of excessive exclamation point use, punctuating a text with a period is the quickest and simplest way to cause concern."

"Why don't they have driving classes and sex ed on the same day in Saudi Arabia? Because the camels get tired."