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Joke of the Day

"Bernie Sanders is such a socialist... ...he gave Hillary Clinton half the votes in Iowa."

"So I have one coworker who uses ""irregardless"" and another who uses ""unappropriate"" and now I'm over trying to conversate with these people."

"They say there's no such thing as a free lunch, but I'm at Applebee's & have a dead mouse in my pocket that says otherwise."

"I told her it's been a while. She told me that was fine. It's just like riding a bike. Now she's mad I checked her for proper inflation"

"Let's get this out of the way now. Next Wednesday, the date will be 12-12-12. Happy?"

"Was your teacher drunk when he made your multiple choice test? 1) Yes ) No %) I love you guys M) 8 ) Potato"

"knock knock! who's there? i eat mop... :]"

"I did two tours in Afghanistan and one in Iraq Thank you for the applause! Not enough people appreciate sex tourists."

"My very attractive doctor told me I had to stop masturbating ""Why?"" I asked. ""Because I'm trying to examine you"""

"Why do bees hum? Because they don't know the words!"