151636
Joke of the Day
"I just know my cause of death will be trying to scoot my office chair around as fast as possible."
Next Joke
"I want to start my own distillery, but i'm a bit hesitant.... it's a whisky business."
"Oh look a Spider...... Oh look Listerine.... Oh look spider wiggling for life.... Minty fresh dead spider"
"[Weekend in NYC with my wife] Wife: Did you know Comicon is in NYC this weekend? Me walking out of bathroom in a Deadpool costume: No clue"
"At first I didn't like beards, But then they grew on me"
"If you need a ride to the airport, give me at least two weeks notice so I'll have a chance to clear my schedule and die"
"TIL Humans eat more bananas than monkeys. Human almost never eat monkeys at all."
"Customer: Waiter there's a button in my salad. Waiter: It must have come off while the salad was dressing."
"There's so much porn floating around the internet these days... I just shake my fist."
"*bark* ""What's that Lassie?"" *bark bark* ""Timmy's stuck in a loveless marriage with an overly critical wife?"" *bark* ""Ooh, dinnertime."""