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Joke of the Day

"I have the body of a 20 year old model... Unfortunately it won't fit in my freezer."

"What do you get when you combine a pun and a rhetorical question?"

"Told my mum someone had been shot and she asked with what? I wanted to reply 'with a cutlass' but I want her to pay for masters..."

"It sucks to be a dick.. A dick has a sad life. His hair is a mess; his family is nuts; his next-door neighbor is an asshole; his best friend is a pussy, and his owner beats him habitually."

"I'm so fucking sick of you guys making Asian-lady stereotypes. Now shut up so I can get back to my nail salon."

"When I see a person with facial tattoos, I also know that I will see them in handcuffs if I follow them around long enough."

"My black friend called me a disgrace in front of his girlfriend. But then I realized he was introducing me to his girlfriend, Grace."

"Sorry, but breaking up with you on facebook was the best way of letting all your friends know I'm available."

"I grew up in a small town that only had one general store, one bar and one prostitute. Mum found it pretty hard working three jobs."

"Ladies, never buy Activia yogurt because the rest of us are in line behind you thinking ""Awww, that poor girl can't shit without yogurt!"""