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Joke of the Day

"What did the clock say to the class? Stopwatch you're doing!"

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"One eyed man Comes to the doctor. Doctor asks: what's wrong. The man says: 'm mssng an"
"Hey girls: FYI, if you tilt the camera up just a wee bit higher you can actually get your face in the picture."
"Why was the lesbian mermaid fired from the bakery? She was eating all the muff-fins."
"Why is sleeping the second most favorite activity of people's lives? Because it follows their first favorite activity, sex."
"""Young man do you think you can handle a variety of work?"" ""I ought to be able to. I've had ten different jobs in four months."""
"[Girlfriend looks at me in disgust] ""Did u just propose using emojis?"" ... ""Technically its called a propoji, but yes"" [She's already gone]"
"Q: Where do books sleep? A: Under their covers."
"A thief broke into my house last night. He was searching for money, ...so I woke up and started searching with him."
"How does Hasbro test tickle me elmo's? They have test-tickles."