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Joke of the Day

"Maybe you owe the rhythm some money and that's why it's trying to get you. WE DON'T KNOW!"

"I've been taking Viagra for my sunburn Doesnt cure it, but it keeps the sheets off my legs at night"

"I didn't see San Andreas because I heard there's not a scene where a therapist tells the seismologist, ""It's not your fault."""

"My 4yo just noticed me trying to throw out an old, wrecked piece of Lego & by the look he gave me I'm afraid to go to sleep now."

"I lost 100 pounds with this simple trick I gave it to charity"

"Why are jokes in base 8 not funny? Because 7,10,11!"

"What did the Hispanic chef say when he went down on his girlfriend? ""Umami!"""

"i was about to smoke a joint in the park but then i saw a sign that said ""keep off the grass"" and felt judged."

"How did the police determine which turtle ate the diamond ring? They conducted an in-turtle investigation."

"I test my smoke alarm batteries by burning the fuck out of everything I cook."