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Joke of the Day

"Stupid people who suddenly make a smart decision have no idea how confusing that is for the rest of us."

"How can you tell when a white guy is about to tell a joke? He glances over his shoulder."

"The Energizer bunny was just releases from prison. He was charged with battery. . . ."

"My daughter doesn't understand why I'm wearing sunglasses in the house this morning. Filled her sippy with rum so we're on the same page."

"I decided when I turn 21 I'm only going to smoke cigarettes when I drink Guess I'm going to be an alcoholic"

"A woman walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a double-entendre... So he gives it to her."

"My sister had a baby today. I think I've used that as an excuse to get out of more stuff this week than she has."

"What band performed at the Jefferson memorial? Nickelback"

"I saw a one legged man with no arms at the ATM today... He asked me to help him check his balance.... So I pushed the fucker over."

"Do you know what the kid with no hands got for Christmas? Me neither. He couldn't open his presents."