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Joke of the Day

"I saw a one legged man with no arms at the ATM today... He asked me to help him check his balance.... So I pushed the fucker over."

"Shout out to the person who had the balls to open the first no kids allowed restaurant"

"What's the difference between a cult and a religion ? About a couple thousand years."

"I started a band called 999 megabytes.... ...we have yet to secure a gig."

"My boss said when I'm at work, I should lay off the Doritos. I said ""you're the boss if you wanna fire Bob Dorito and his brother you do it"""

"Why was the 4 year old African kid crying? He was having a mid-life crisis."

"it's hard to retire if you are in the tire business it seems like you have more work to do."

"Went to fight.. Hockey game broke out."

"There is a new Barbie doll on the market - Death Row Barbie ...comes complete with cell; raunchy cellmate sold separately"

"Why can't smokey the bear and his wife have kids? Because every time his wife gets hot, he throws dirt on her and beats her with a shovel"