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Joke of the Day

"When you watch tv with the closed captioning on... You've got to take their word for it."

"How did the Mathematician cure his constipation? He worked it out with a pencil."

"Nostradamus comes home and starts beating his dog Why are you going to shit here in the next 5 minutes? Because of the beating, you dickwad!"

"A boy goes on holiday to Mexico and texts his mate saying ""Weather out here is just like your mother, 36 and hot"" His mate replies ""Weather back here is just like your sister, 16 and wet"""

"How did the Jewish alcoholic survive The Prohibition? He-brewed."

"I feel so empty after sex... It's OK though. I'm a prostate gland."

"I went to an allotment yesterday to find more soil there than the day before. Today, I went there again and found even more soil.. The plot thickens..."

"Whats the difference between Jesus and a picture of Jesus? The picture of Jesus only needs one nail to hang up."

"Where did the Gorilla play baseball? In the bush leaguesof course!"

"What did the magazine say to the comic book? Boy, do we have issues!"