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Joke of the Day

"My calculus professor recently divorced his wife .. .. one day he simply told her ""I'm making a you substitution""."

"How was the roman empire cut in half? With a pair of caesars Edit: fixed"

"Royal flushes aren't very common. The Queen's homes must stink."

"When I say I'm gonna take a nap, it means I'm gonna go on my computer for three hours."

"Dad joke: What time do monkeys poop? Tree turdy."

"I've haven't made up my mind on masturbation... ...on one hand it feels good."

"Kanye goes to law school just so he can yell THE DEFENSE WESTS YOUR HONOR and moonwalk out of the courtroom. The defendant is executed."

"Did you hear about the guy who lost his left arm and left leg in a car accident? He's alright, though."

"the only thing getting in the way of my diet is food"

"How many suh dudes does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Zero because it's already lit fam."