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Joke of the Day

"My calculus professor recently divorced his wife .. .. one day he simply told her ""I'm making a you substitution""."

"How do gossipy hamburgers spend their time? They chew the fat."

"My wife and I have an agreement with our 7 year old daughter Don't wake us up early on the weekend and we won't abandon you in a mall"

"What is Beethoven doing these days? Decomposing."

"Remember when everyone died before gluten-free bread?"

"A man purchases a kitten, which he's having trouble house breaking. What does his friend say when he comes to visit? Your house is quite the cat-ass-trophy."

"What do you call someone who wears leather, likes bondage and likes getting inked? Moleskine"

"If I am farther than you in candy crush I will automatically think im smarter than you."

"How does Donald Trump keep Mexicans off reddit? With a text wall."

"What kind of meat do priests eat on Friday? Nun"