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Joke of the Day

"Why don't kleptomaniacs get jokes? Because they take everything literally."

"All I did from 1984-1990 was try to shoot the laughing dog in Duck Hunt"

"Went for a 4 mile run this morning. Now everything hurts... even my eyelashes."

"Someone should tell North Korea that if you want to nuke someone, you probably shouldn't give them a progress report every week."

"What do elves learn at school? The elf-abet!"

"*feeds a horse 1 pound of weed *rides off into sunset on my high horse"

"Why can't you hear a pterodactyl go to the bathroom? Because the ""P"" is silent"

"It's so cold that I have to take half a Viagra so I won't pee on my shoes."

"I sexually identify as a Canadian... I'm eh-sexual."

"[God-awful OC] What do you call someone who lets people rent wifi signals from them? The lanlord!"