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Joke of the Day

"Wife: Where are you going? Me: Out. I can't stand being hemmed in by four walls. Wife: How many walls has the pub got? Five?"

"The CDC has updated their rules for handling Ebola: 1) put your left leg in 2) take your left leg out 3) shake it all about"

"What did the mummy snake say to the crying baby snake? Stop crying and viper your nose."

"What do you get when you cross an orchard with a concentration camp? apple juice"

"What type of animals are put on envelopes? Seals."

"What was the pirate boxing champion known for? His left hook."

"I'm always terrified when someone knocks on the door while I'm home alone as if murderers and burglars knock first"

"How do you kill a German? Put them in front of a red light in the middle of the desert."

"So today is Earth day on what grounds are we celebrating?"

"An electrician beat himself with live wires His wife called the police He was charged with battery."