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Joke of the Day

"Instead of John I call my bathroom Jim, that way it sounds better when I say I went to the Jim first thing this morning."

"How do you stop an F4 tornado from destroying a town? A roundhouse kick from Chuck Norris! However, this method will cause more destruction than the tornado."

"I was going to take another trip to the pencil museum but decided it was pointless."

"Went to see the worst faith healer ever last night... He was so bad, a man in a wheelchair got up and walked out."

"new book out: ""How I Fell Off a Cliff"" by Eileen Dover"

"What did the Hispanic chef say when he went down on his girlfriend? ""Umami!"""

"I could never run for a political office I'm too out of shape. I could, however, waddle for a political office"

"Surround yourself with people who will groom your eyebrows should you ever become comatose"

"I'd like to stab you now. Please step off my carpet and onto the tile."

"I was banging a retarded girl last night... She didn't want me to finish in her mouth, so I shot my load on the window and let nature take its course."