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Joke of the Day

"Growing up on Disney movies has left me so disillusioned about small woodland creatures and their willingness to help me with my chores."

"- Are you even listening to me? - Of course I am - Ok, what did I just ask you? - If I'm listening to you"

"Did you hear what happened when there was an epidemic of laryngitis at school? The school nurse sent everyone to the croakroom."

"Sometimes it seems like I'm married to my own liver I only abuse it when I'm drinking"

"Why didn't the TSA let the chair through security? It was armed."

"In my day cartoons made sense. Chipmunks did all the rescue rangering and a rich duck swam in gold coins like they were water"

"Why couldn't the philosopher make a living? He made no sense. I tried, I really did."

"Teacher: Didn't you hear me call you? Pupil: But you said not to answer you back!"

"1) Open a Kinkos style office supply store in Bel Air 2) Name it Fresh Prints 3) Make millions 4) Move to West Philadelphia"

"Why did the Pasta join a dating website? Because he was cannelloni."