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Joke of the Day

"Did you hear about the Omaha mother who got tired of putting name tags on her son's shirts so she had his name legally changed to ""Machine Washable""?"

"What breed of dog loves to take a bath? A shampoodle"

"Sex. Yes, it's a short joke."

"Shouldn't you pet him first? Two guys are in a park and see a dog licking it's nuts. First Guy: ""Damn I wish I could do that"" Second Guy: ""Shouldn't you pet him first?"""

"Surround yourself with people that can't handle their alcohol, so you can drink theirs after they pass out."

"[Serious] what are the serious impacts of drinking water just after you had had a wet dream?"

"What do call the two midgets who ran an impound lot? Little Seizers"

"""Please. Make yourself at home."" *Brings cat and litter box inside* *Spreads cat poop on ground next to litter box*"

"I painted my computer black thinking it would run faster... Now it doesn't work"

"Sometimes I'll catch my reflection in a mirror and I'll be like, ""oh no, that can't be right."""