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Joke of the Day

"Looks like the concierge is hitting on my wife again but who cares, this cherry danish I'm eating right now is on point nom nom nom!"

"Why do porn directors prefer real Christmas trees? Because they don't need fluffing."

"ME: I'm just gonna take a quick nap. KIDS: Check out the new cirque du soleil show we invented. *living room is on fire*"

"The guys at Futurama really didn't do their research... Vice President Agnew was at lest a head taller than depicted!"

"I'm a freshman taking geometry. I can't wait to learn how to tie a hypotenoose."

"My football playing cousin went to prison He went in as a tight end, and came out as a wide receiver."

"Why was the blot of ink so sad? It's mother was in the pen and it didn't know how long the sentence was."

"what do you call a girl in Georgia that can outrun her brothers? A Virgin."

"Sometimes I stop suddenly when I have sex with my girlfriend. She asks, ""Why did you stop?"" I reply, ""Oh, it's something I learned in porn. It's called buffering."""

"I like how babies always look drunk. Even after only one beer."