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Joke of the Day

"My dirty language got me suspended in school but many years later I get rewarded with stars and retweets, never give up on your dreams kids."

"Jealously is something you're good at when you suck at everything else."

"CREATION OF MAN God: And as they age, they shall lose all the hair on their heads and grow more in their ears & noses Angel: Yes, my Liege"

"Yo mama so fat, her patronis is a cake."

"The drone on Mars ran over a feline organism. That's right - Curiosity killed the cat"

"Kissing a sleeping woman in an animated Disney movie, romantic.....but do it on a bus and the judge doesn't agree."

"Hillary: After Benghazi Hearing I ""Sat Around Eating Indian Food And Drinking Wine And Beer"" Christie: ""Just another Tuesday morning for me."""

"I play golf like I have sex I mostly hit 3's and 4's"

"The club can't even handle me right now. Like, the club's just had a very emotionally draining day and the club's been in a weird place."

"What's the difference between a dirty bus stop and a lobster with breast implants? One is a crusty bus station, the other is a busty crustacean"