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Joke of the Day

"Cat Negotiator: Ok, so we'll shit in a box in your house and you will clean it up Humans: And you will be a loyal friend Cat: hahahaha sure"

"What do you do if your daughter gets dirty in the laundry room? You washer and dryer."

"The difference between shit and oh shit: A boy mistakenly sends a love letter to the brother's girlfriend. Shit! Girlfriend's brother happens to be lesbian. OH SHIT!!"

"Which fly captured the ladybird? The dragon-fly."

"Not to mention trempe If you jumped off the bridge in Paris, you'd be in Seine."

"It's pretty impressive that Beethoven could play the piano considering he was a St. Bernard."

"Doctor: ""I need to draw some blood."" Me: ""Okay."" Doctor: ""Do you have a red crayon I could borrow?"""

"Someone just threw a bottle of Omega 3 tablets at me. I only suffered super fish oil injuries, but I'm lucky I wasn't krilled!"

"What do you get if you cross a moth with a firefly? An insect that can find its way around a dark closet."

"If I ever have a baby, I hope it's a puppy."