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Joke of the Day

"What did the penis say to the asshole in the morning? This bowl ain't big enough for the both of us."

"I broke up with my girlfriend, Ruth.. Now her friends call me ruthless. EDIT: Got hacked. Password and emailed changed, this post was changed to something else for a brief period by the hacker."

"For the New Year, I vow to take a selfie at 720p.m. It's a decent resolution."

"Last winter we had really bad snow, I rung my boy for some weed and when he answered he said ""sorry bro I just can't deal with this weather"""

"What did Ted Cruz's wife get after being elbowed by him? A Ted Bruz"

"Guns don't kill people. Cats don't sew mittens. Houses don't crap zebras. Lots of nouns don't verb other nouns. This isn't new information."

"I hear Internet Explorer 10 is going to allow you to download & install Firefox up to three times faster."

"I can't call people Grammar Nazis on social media anymore.... Now I call them the Alt-Write."

"Did you hear about the woman who was shot 24 times in the back?! They say she got up afterwards, putting her clothes back on, and exclaimed ""Wow, your reload time is *amazing*!"""

"What do you call an alpacca that screams when it sees fire? A smoke aLaama."