140431

Joke of the Day

"I found a chocolate bar down the side of the sofa but I didn't celebrate because it was my old club."

"Watched golf for two hours before realizing that the TV was off."

"[Alien monster is levelling Toronto] CANADAMAN: Excuse me, sir, SIR, could you stop please? SIR?"

"I didn't see mommy kiss Santa, but my sister saw her kiss the mailman, which explains why I'm the only one with brown eyes in the family"

"Interested in: ( ) men ( ) women (X) food"

"Why was Noah a great businessman? He floated his stock while everyone else was in liquidation."

"So while Lane Kiffin was managing the Alabama offensive... he had Nick Saban's daughter handling the D?"

"If someone walks in on you hatching your evil plan, just tell them you were rubbing in some hand moisturizer."

"What happened to the guy who farted in church? He sat in his own pew."

"What has 60 feet and 5 teeth? The front row of a Trump rally."