10885

Joke of the Day

"Choose your pet name wisely because you'll be yelling it out in your neighborhood if you lose them. *uses falsetto voice* MR. SMOOCHES!!"

"I was surprised to learn that the Israeli form of martial art was Krav maga... I always thought they used JEWjitzu..."

"The first gay wedding will be taking place in Ireland next week The men's names are Gerald Fitzpatrick and Patrick Fitzgerald."

"What's a homophobic congressman's favorite place to swim? In da Nile"

"You know the fly was really close to being called a land... Because that's what it does half the time. RIP Mitch Hedberg"

"What's the difference between a park bench and a writer? A park bench can support a family."

"What's the difference between Jesus, and a picture of Jesus? It only takes one nail to hang the picture."

"Today and Tomorrow are in bed... Today is smoking a cigarette and looks over at Tomorrow who is sulking and says, ""I'm sorry you never come."""

"[interview at winery] What strengths do you bring to the job? *long pause while Jesus glares at interviewer* Are you being serious right now"

"Me: Give me some space, I'm feeling claustrophobic 8 whispers to 9: Leave Mom alone, she has to poop but she can't"