140356

Joke of the Day

"If you want a successful marriage, marry a dictionary. Sex always comes before yardwork and anal comes before responsibility!"

"Why was the woman sent to jail for 12 months, while the man got a year? Because there needs to be a period at the end of each sentence."

"At first I was angry... ...when all my friends began collecting stamps after I started. But then I remembered: imitation is the sincerest form of philately."

"I'm going to run a 5K to Finland. When you enter the country it will be the Finnish line."

"I can walk up to any dog, rub its butt and make a friend. That trick only works about half the time on people."

"Why does Peter Parker main spy in tf2? Because SPY DA MAN!"

"No bees were harmed in the making of my new short film, ""Bees on Fire: Screams from Inside a Hive""."

"Cleaning out the garage, I found some things I didn't even realize I had. Like a tent, a new printer, and a fourth kid."

"I invented a new word It's called plagiarism"

"What do you get if you combine your mom and a giraffe? A fat giraffe"