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Joke of the Day

"I bought a universal remote the other day and I thought to myself ""Wow, this changes everything!"""

"High school prepares you for real life! For example, show choir taught me how to put on eyeliner and lip liner in a car on the freeway"

"Why do you wrap gophers in electrical tape? So they don't explode when you fuck 'em."

"My boss was going to fire me over breakfast this morning but the coffee shop was closed. There were no grounds for dismissal."

"What's a storm trooper's favorite date? March 4th"

"I saw a how-to page on record scratch and DJ techniques. It was a wikki-wikki Wiki."

"My German plumber just hooked my gas line to my shower. I guess old habits die hard."

"Chuck Norris can cook minute rice in 20 seconds."

"I'm introducing a new calendar system: B.C. = Before Children. A.D. = After Divorce."

"Doctor Doctor I tend to flush a lot. Don't worry it's just a chain reaction!"