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Joke of the Day

"A policeman just knocked on my door and said my dogs were chasing people on bikes... My dogs don't even own bikes.."

"You can reach 80 years Doctor: Your health seems to be in such a condition that I believe you can reach 80 years. *But doctor, I am already 80!* You see - I told you to quit smoking."

"I recently bought a copy of Monty Python's Big Red Book, but was later dismayed to find that I'd purchased the Spanish language version... Nobody expects the Spanish text edition."

"People often ask me if weed hurts memory I'd tell them but i don't remember."

"Autocorrect just turned ""stepdaughter"" into ""lying manipulative drug addict that lives in the basement and brings dudes in thru the slider"""

"In calculus class we just finished revolutions of solids It made my head spin."

"I don't always tell Harambe jokes but I'll take a shot at it."

"Why did the military name it's new drone system ""Caitlyn Jenner""? Because it's unmanned"

"Coming out of the closet would be a lot easier... if my wardrobe wasn't so fabulous!"

"What did R. Kelly say to the teenage girl fan? Urine for a surprise."