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Joke of the Day

"You can reach 80 years Doctor: Your health seems to be in such a condition that I believe you can reach 80 years. *But doctor, I am already 80!* You see - I told you to quit smoking."

"*walks past German Shepherd and nods* Officer..."

"ted cruz looks like he puts ketchup all over his fries instead dipping them"

"[lying with girlfriend & looking up at the stars] ""Hey--"" *points to shooting star* ""You've put on a lot of weight."""

"On talk shows, whenever the celebrity guest takes a casual sip from their branded mug, I like to imagine it's full of blood"

"To understand the difference between Italians and Canadians all you need to know is two things. Italian sausage and Canadian bacon..."

"What do you call a French vacation? A retreat."

"Men can read maps better than women. Cause only the male mind could conceive of one inch equalling a hundred miles."

"An ice cream truck flips over on the highway, what does it leave? A Rocky Road"

"I was having the best day of my life But then I woke up."