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Joke of the Day

"[looks up at arresting officer] are you mad at me"

"There is a 'you can kill them if you catch them within a minute' rule on people who wake you up. EVERYONE knows that. *sharpening knife*"

"I found this place online that sells authentic moon rocks. The rocks themselves are really cheap, but the shipping is a bitch."

"Why did the brothel only employ ugly prostitutes? To increase *gross interest*!"

"It's 4:20 do you know what that means?!? It means only 40 minutes left to get 8 hours of work done."

"Just gargled mouthwash all over my shirt. I'd be a horrible homosexual."

"Why was the gymnast disqualified? He walked into a bar."

"What do you call a cheap circumcision? A: a rip off"

"Ever hear the story of the dyslexic, agnostic, insomniac? He would lay awake at night worried about the existence of dog."

"Q: Why did the brain cell go to the other side of the brain? A: I don't know. It hadn't really crossed my mind."