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Joke of the Day

"[looks up at arresting officer] are you mad at me"

"Bought a bag of Sweetheart candies & cracked my tooth on one.When I spit it out & looked at it,itsaid ""Next time call when you say you will"""

"How many Buddhists does it take to change a light bulb? None, the changes necessary will come from within."

"Mom: ""Why are your eyes dilated?"" Me: ""Your eyes dilate up to 45% when you look at something you love"" Mom: ""What were you looking at?"" Me: ""Memes"""

"I'm trying my best to give up using sexual innuendos.... But it's SO hard."

"What did one Redditer say to another? Doesn't matter, the real joke is in the comments."

"I don't like being told what to do unless I'm naked."

"so awkward when the bill for the wall comes out and no one reaches for it"

"We need to run the government like a business. Specifically a Quizno's with a bat infestation, staffed by emotionally unbalanced retirees."

"Have you heard the news about the courduroy pillows? They're making headlines!"