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Joke of the Day

"Mom: ""Why are your eyes dilated?"" Me: ""Your eyes dilate up to 45% when you look at something you love"" Mom: ""What were you looking at?"" Me: ""Memes"""

"Did you guys hear about the circus fire? It was in tents."

"A police dog had to sniff my bag but it was a puppy so I wasn't even worried cause it's probably not good at its job yet."

"Why can't atheists solve exponential equations? Because they don't believe in higher powers!"

"This year's Delta inflight buckle your seat belt video isn't as good as the last one. I give two and a half seat belts."

"What do you call someone who masturbates on a plane? A highjacker"

"What if a man existed w/one hand that's a steak and the other is lobster plus unlimited salad bar? This is the plot of Edward Sizzlerhands"

"If Microsoft built cars you would need to restart your car then it would perform illegal operations and crash."

"How many Bros does it take to change a lightbulb? None cuz it's already lit af"

"Why did the undercover cop pose as a waiter? So he could protect and serve."