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Joke of the Day

"CUTE GIRL I LIKE: I'm gonna hang up ME TRYING TO FLIRT: No you hang up"

"I get so many panic attacks, that If I was a wrestler my signature move would be 'The Chest Clutch', where I get pinned as I grab my chest."

"How long does it take to reach the ground from 100 stories up? The rest of your life."

"I need to stop asking strangers if they're ticklish, and just start tickling them."

"My business portfolio is a cigarette butt inside an empty beer bottle."

"[2 cavemen] Look what me discover! This game changer! *grabs it* ""This hot! Burn fingers. What you call it?"" *takes back mixtape* FIRE!"

"What's the different between a knife and a feminist? A knife has a point"

"How do you mail an egg? In a henvelope!"

"Ex girfriends are like refugees As long as they are far away, you dont care about them, but once they come closer you feel like shit"

"""Dad, why couldn't the doctors save grandpa's life? ""Doesn't matter son, he would have suffocated in the coffin"""