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Joke of the Day

"I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car."

"Me: I'm nervous about mingling at the party Wife: Just talk about stuff anyone can relate to [Party] Me: HI I UNDERSTAND YOU TOO ARE HUMAN"

"Customer: I think I've got a bug in my computer. Repairman: Does your computer make a humming noise? Customer: Yes. Repairman: Then it must be a humbug!"

"What's the disease that slowly turns your skin black? Rap Music"

"A bunch of toilets were stolen from the police department... They have nothing to go on."

"Don't do drugs Without me"

"What's the first thing a hillbilly says after losing her virginity? Get off me Daddy, you're crushing my cigarettes."

"Do you have eggs for breakfast? Kevin bacon"

"If Adam had been gay We would have all been fucked, except Eve"

"What's the difference between a lawyer and a duck? People sometimes get upset if you shoot a duck. The duck is much less greasy. BUT MOST IMPORTANT Nobody ever complains about a duck's bill."