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Joke of the Day

"Two aerials meet on a roof fall in love get married. The ceremony was rubbish but the reception was brilliant."

"I invited my girlfriend to go to the gym with me, then I didn't show... I hope she gets the message that we aren't working out."

"A Republican, a Democrat, and a Socialist live in the same building. One day there is a fire, but only the Socialist dies. Why? everyone else was at work."

"What is the difference between Jedward and a vacuum cleaner? A vacuum cleaner only sucks when you turn it on."

"I don't get it Friend: ""1980's called, they want their music back"" Me: ""The mirror called, they want their joke back"" Friend: ""I don't get it"""

"How do you win a late night argument with your deaf wife? You turn off the lights."

"How do the Kardashians change a broken light bulb They buy a new house"

"i never make jokes about domestic violence they really hit close to home"

"[pinned down by sniper fire] Squad leader: I'm going in. Hughes, lay down some cover for me Me [putting a blanket on the floor]: you betcha"

"I stepped on a corn flake Now I'm a cereal killer."