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Joke of the Day

"A Republican, a Democrat, and a Socialist live in the same building. One day there is a fire, but only the Socialist dies. Why? everyone else was at work."

"[Lizard Enterprises HQ] Lizard Boss: Um excuse me, do you work here? Snake balancing on 4 toothpicks (nervously): Uh yessir why do you ask?"

"The mall crowd parts as I shuffle through after waking up naked on the food court floor. ""Too pudgy to be a terminator"" says one woman."

"I dislike the word ""kidnapping""... I prefer ""surprise adoption""."

"There once was a Little Girl named Sue... She likes a lot of celebrities. But, every person she idolises commits suicide. Because they're Sue's idols! Hahaha?"

"Bully: ""Hey, four eyes!"" Me: ""Don't you mean... fork eyes?"" [Turns around. Stabs bully with forks tied to glasses. Becomes class president.]"

"Sigmund Freud walks into a... ~~breasts~~ bar"

"What kind of dance do buns do? Abundance."

"Did you hear about the redneck woman's husband who killed her father and her brother? Supposedly she didn't even know he was suicidal"

"The first rule of Mormon fight flub is go door to door talking about Mormon fight club ."