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Joke of the Day

"Your tweets are so boring the NSA just unfollowed you."

"...I wanted to design defensive structures for the city.... as it turns out, not my Forte."

"Out of curiosity I decided to look at Pinterest, and I've decided it's basically cyber-hoarding..."

"The other day, a frog jumped underneath my lawmower.. I guess he was trying to *kermit* suicide."

"I met Josh Pec the other day... I met Josh Pec the other day, he's such a boob."

"A girl told me that I have a really strong tongue today. It was my dentist holding my tongue back as the other one was filling a cavity."

"Why is 6 afraid of 7? 7 is black."

"I have an extensive library of over 2,000 classic, important books just in case you have a question about the first 54 pages of one of them."

"Got a handjob from a blind girl last night She said ""You're dicks the biggest one I've ever put my hands on."" I said ""Nahh, you're just pullin' my leg."" Edit: spell check"

"""Stop hitting me."" -Rock bottom."