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Joke of the Day
"You know how people say they'll pray for you? I bet they don't. Assholes."
Next Joke
"Went to a parade. For an hour, bored people on floats waved. For an hour, My 2-year-old waved back. It was the greatest day of her life."
"I got suspended for bringing a piccolo to school. They told me it was too sharp"
"girl: tough guys are hot Me: *hawk lands on my bare arm* I have a gauntlet I just never use it *hawk gnawing on my shoulder* I love this"
"""Where's my money?"" - a loan shark ""Where are my friends? - alone shark"
"Reporter: My editor sent me to do the burglary. Policeman: You're too late - it's already been done."
"I can tell the way my kids inherited my sarcasm by the way I want to punch them in the face every time they use it."
"What do you call it when you make sandwiches at a sleepover? Peanut butter and jammies!"
"What's the difference between Neil Armstrong and Michael Jackson? One did the moon walk, and the other one raped little kids."
"How many women does it take to screw in a lightbulb? It doesn't matter they don't have any power."