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Joke of the Day

"The victims of the Aurora movie theater shooting got really ripped off. They paid to watch the whole movie, but all they saw were a few clips."

"What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs in a bush? BARRY"

"Tangled earbuds are the new rubik's cube."

"*finds own number on a bathroom stall* Call for a good time!? This is outrageous! *crosses out good; writes in GREAT* There. Fixed."

"Me: I'd like to report a disturbance. Police Dispatcher: Okay, where sir? Me: In the force, I can feel it."

"Guys, this may all be some sort of marketing ploy, but if the email I just received is accurate then local singles want to fuck."

"Three men walk into a bar... You'd have thought the third one would have seen it."

"If I ever met the man who came up with the idea of lobotomies, I'd give him a piece of my mind."

"To anyone who might want to try homebrewing: Trust me, it's wort your while."

"As a Lesbian... I like my men like I like my coffee- nowhere near my vagina."