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Joke of the Day

"For those who can't eat their vegetables bc of the wheelchair: There IS a chocolate shake with every one, all you have to do is pull out the straw. Edit: a word"

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"Chrosshair Crosshair is what rabbit breeders do."
"How does a composer remember which groceries to buy? She writes a Chopin Liszt."
"How does the pedophile like his music? Just like his dick - in a minor."
"What is Justin Timberlake's favorite river in Russia? Crimea River"
"Hillary Clinton has been so embarrassed about her email scandal that if elected she will bring back the secure channels of communication she used growing up... the pony express."
"Hey Dad did anybody call for me when I was out? ""Yeah some girl named Jenny"" ""Jenny who?"" ""I don't know. Why don't you call her and ask."" ""She leave a number?"" ""Yeah 867-5309"""
"Why doesn't Meghan Trainor eat salmon? Because she's all about that bass"
"I'm surprised ABC hasn't resolved the Healthcare Crisis with a new reality show. Extreme Makeover: Universal Healthcare Edition."
"You know how you can tell that your wife is a slob? When you go to piss in the sink and it's still full of dirty dishes"