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Joke of the Day

"If you're gonna write a 300 word Instagram description for your photo, go ahead & throw a murder confession in there. Nobody will ever know."

"What is the difference... Q: What is the difference between leaves and a car? A: One you brush and rake, the other you rush and brake. Source: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Computational_humor"

"The Internet. The internet: Where Men are Men, Women are Women, and children are the FBI..."

"Walking down the street I was walking home form work and I saw a bee crawling on the grass. I was thinking of stepping on it, then I decided 'ehh I'll let it be'"

"Apparently saying ""If you think your wife is fat now, wait till she has the baby"" is not a good way to congratulate someone."

"Now tell me how old your baby is in HOURS."

"Why did the girl spray her clock? It was full of ticks."

"How is a Mexican like a cue ball? The harder you hit 'em, the more English you get out of them."

"Why does heaven have such great wifi? Because of all the cloud space."

"I was going to go check out r/TwoX..... but it's just a bunch of pussies there"