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Joke of the Day

"Apparently saying ""If you think your wife is fat now, wait till she has the baby"" is not a good way to congratulate someone."

"I can't believe they fired me from the calendar company! I just took a day off!"

"Stephen Hawking calculates the properties of the universe from a wheelchair and I'm googling how to get paid without leaving my house"

"I nicknamed my girlfriend melody Because its loudest and always on top"

"I told the 8 clowns in a tiny cop car to ""clown arrest me! Take me to clown jail!"" And they did. Bail has been set at 150 banana cream pies."

"An infectious disease enters a bar... The bartender says, ""We don't serve your kind in here."" It replies, ""Well, your not a very good host."" It isn't mine, my doctor told me this one"

"My dad shouted ""shut up idiots"" to the cats. I told him ""You're speaking English to a cat. You're the idiot. You have to meow at them."""

"Having trouble making friends? Just tell a girl you love her and her first reaction is to say lets just be friends."

"Some people may be brave enough to try to get into the milk business. Me? I wouldn't dairy."

"My dad, contemplating Brexit and the board game Risk, ""Well, Europe has always been hard to hold."""