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Joke of the Day

"They constantly call trump a white supremacist, but how can he be that when he's not even white himself? He is orange."

"An ironic joke walks into a bar, orders a beer, and sits down Bartender says hey! We're straight talkers here... no irony allowed. Ironic joke says well that's fine then, because I just want a beer."

"What's a pirates FAVORITE letter? *They ALWAYS say Rrrrr* ""You'd think its Rrrrr but it's the sea they love"""

"So I've got this friend Dan. But when Dan gets mad, he seems kinda girly. Because when Dan gets mad, *Danielle*."

"Wearin' aviators tells the world you're a bad mamma jamma who ain't afraid to shin kick a terrorist or smoke a lawn flamingo if need be."

"I'd don't know if this qualifies as a super power, but I'm 100% accurate at finding cat vom in the dark with my bare feet."

"My hands are really reliable I can always count on them."

"What's the difference between Caitlyn Jenner and two kids playing catch at the park? I actually give a shit if the kids lose their balls."

"Why don't more people cook Armenian food? Because it can be very thyme-consuming."

"My wife is weird... She begins every conversation with ""Were you even listening to me?"""