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Joke of the Day

"A skelleton goes to the bar and says ""Can I have a pint and a mop..."""

"Our grandchildren in 2060 ""Grandma, why did you look like a dog when you were a teen?"" I really hate that filter."

"What do you call a bull that's sent overseas by boat? Shipped beef!"

"Lance Armstrong...Optimist or Pessimist? So, Lance, do you see the scrotum as half-full, or do you see the scrotum as half-empty?"

"The platypus is what happens when you take a perfectly good concept and send it to network executives for notes."

"How did the redneck find his sister in the woods? Attractive."

"What's the difference between a prostitute with dysentery and an epileptic oyster shucker? The epileptic oyster shucker shucks between fits."

"Which of these three does not belong: (A) a lobster, (B) a flounder, or (C) a Korean man who has just been run over by a bus? The answer is (B) a flounder. The other two are crushedAsians."

"Why are so many lesbians vegetarian? Because they don't like to eat meat ( )"

"Called to my managers office today He said ""you can't wear pyjamas to work you idiot!"" I replied "" everyone else does though"" He replied ""THEIR PATIENTS"""