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Joke of the Day

"Which of these three does not belong: (A) a lobster, (B) a flounder, or (C) a Korean man who has just been run over by a bus? The answer is (B) a flounder. The other two are crushedAsians."

"What is the difference between a small vagina and a douchey midget? One is a runty cunt and the other is a cunty runt."

"Cop: Why were you speeding? Me: SHE'S IN LABOR! Cop: That's a beach ball in a wig. Me: Cop: Me: I don't think I'm the father. Cop: Get out."

"ME: [licking lips in anticipation] I'm nervous. I've never done a bungee jump before. INSTRUCTOR: don't lick my lips again."

"A Conversation Between Countries Britain: we pulled the dumbest political shit this year America: *uuurp* hold my beer"

"You did not have a valentine on valentines day? Some people don't have a mother on mother's day or a father on father's day so shut up"

"Are you a Popsicle stand? ...Because I kind of want to blow you"

"What's the difference between tired and exhausted? When you run in front of a car you get tired. When you run behind a car you get exhausted."

"I'm my own boyfriend when it comes to farts"

"My head says ""go to the gym"" but my heart says, ""stay on the internet forever and eat!"""