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Joke of the Day
"Why are so many lesbians vegetarian? Because they don't like to eat meat ( )"
Next Joke
"Why are E.T.'s eyes so big? He saw the phone bill."
"How did people know Patrick Stewart was crying? Because he bawled."
"What is the difference between outlaws and inlaws? Outlaws are wanted."
"This stupid farmers market doesn't have any locally grown pizza."
"A pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel in his pants... The bartender says ""Hey! You know you've got a steering wheel in your pants?"" The pirate replies: ""ARRR it's drivin' me nuts!"""
"Middle age is mostly getting super excited about different flavors of hummus."
"Knock, knock"
"[apocalypse] Day 5: sickness is spreading rapidly Day 34: the streets are filled w death. There's no joy left in the world Day 69: LOL 69"
"I've been texting so much lately that I move my thumbs from side to side when I'm actually talking to someone."