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Joke of the Day

"Our grandchildren in 2060 ""Grandma, why did you look like a dog when you were a teen?"" I really hate that filter."

"Someone told me to stop singing Wonderwall I said maybe"

"[fans out the deck] Pick a card, any card.. Memorize it.. [hits you in the face with a shovel] KING OF SPADES! [walks off]"

"Guys: never wear a Saran Wrap skirt to a job interview... They will clearly see your nuts."

"How do you get a little old lady to yell the F word? Get another little old lady to yell ""Bingo!"""

"""I lost my Khakis"" - a guy from Boston who lost his car keys."

"Why is Caitlyn Jenner's stomach bad for you? 'Cause it's full of trans-fat."

"For Sale: 2-in-1 Menthol Shampoo Great hairwash. Mint condition."

"Do you come from heaven? Did it hurt when you landed on your face?"

"[posing nude] ME: make sure to capture all of my body's contours DMV GUY: again, this is entirely inappropriate for a license photo"