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Joke of the Day

"Held A door open for an Asian man today he said ""sank you""... He better not be referring to pearl harbor.."

"Is it legal for a man to marry his widow's sister?"

"Let's turn that frown upside down! ** **does handstand** **"

"I forget, are you supposed to be happy when you see their exes are ugly, or worried that you might be ugly too?"

"My girlfriend is like my bank account Only there for the money"

"An Atheist Walks Into A Bar... An Atheist walks into a bar with God, Thor, and Zeus. The bartender looks at him and says ""Drinking alone again, I see..."""

"My 12yo son's protip: Buy larger sized clothes and you'll look like you lost weight. You're welcome."

"What did the snowman say to the other snowman? ""do you smell carrots?"""

"I try to live each day like it's my last, which is why I rarely have clean socks. Who wants to wash socks on the last day of their life?"

"Thanks to me, you'll probably start seeing 'For Display Only' signs on the toilets at Home Depot."