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Joke of the Day

"What's the last thing you want to hear when you're blowing Willie Nelson? ""I'm not Willie Nelson."""

"waiter: what would you like to order, sir? me: a naked salad, please. waiter: ... me: you know, no dressing."

"Why is a ghost like an empty house? Because there's no body there!"

"The other day I held the door for a clown. I thought it was a nice jester."

"I like putting my feet on Ottomans. I mean they deserve it after what they did to Constantinople. Footstools shouldn't conquer empires."

"What do Asian pirates do? They fry pranes!"

"What does Mike Tyson eat after a long time on twitter? Tweets of course! ....and then your family."

"What do Hitler, Stalin, Mussolini and Ayn Rand have in common? They are all dead."

"Knock Knock... Who's there? I, diddup I, diddup who? You filthy bastard"

"classical music sounds really fancy and proper for something composed by guys who threw a bucket of their turds out the window every morning"