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Joke of the Day

"I didn't masturbate for over a year. That mistake blew up in my face."

"What is similar between Spain, Ireland, and the United States? Their economies falter after a popping of a housing bubble."

"Were you raised on a chicken farm? Because you sure know how to raise a cock."

"Why don't people win the lotto Because the NSA runs it"

"Trump and Pence are so homophobic ... ... they couldn't get a mandate. HAHAHA! A lot of people are going to die in the next 4 years."

"I went to the library. I said,""Can I borrow a book about suicide?"" The guy said,""We did have one, but we never got it back."""

"If I use the bathroom at someone's house and they are out of hand soap, no more high-fives for that person."

"I see you when you follow. I know when you get blocked. I look at all your @ replies and hack your DM box. Stalker Claus is coming to town."

"What do you call an Egyptian spine adjuster? A Cairopractor"

"How long does it take a tweaker to go shopping? An hour 5 minutes for the Ramen noodles and foil. 55 minutes to fix the squeaky shopping cart wheel."