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Joke of the Day

"Only use ""extra virgin"" to describe olive oil that doesn't even think about fucking."

"Hey Science, ""mission accomplished"" on the boner pills. How about a laptop battery that will stay up for four hours."

"What's the difference between a lawyer and a catfish? One's a scum-sucking bottom-feeder, and the other's a fish."

"If you're happy and you know it, thank your ex."

"So I just watched a documentary about a blind magician porn star... He was a master of missed erections."

"I wish 'twitter' was an irregular verb so we could conjugate it thusly: twitter, twat, twitten huehue"

"What did the Doctor say to the midget in the waiting room? ""You're going to have to be a little patient"""

"mom: no TV for a week! dad: and after you take a bath you can't use your hands to get out of the tub *sons jaw drops* mom: [whispers] nice"

"What does Batman put in his drinks? Just ice."

"Just heard about this teacher who had sex with her student. Another reason I won't send MY dog to obedience school"