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Joke of the Day

"Admit it, no one really knows how to use the memory function on a calculator. We're all just too embarrassed to ask now."

"Wanna know why reddit sucks?"

"Did you hear how high the offshore banker's salary is? I heard he makes boatloads."

"i look at my phone's 100% battery icon with the same fondness as proud parents watching their children bounce out of bed yelling ""pancakes!"""

"What happens when you have ear sex You get hearing aids"

"I'm almost always naked when ordering food It really weirds out the drive-thru attendant"

"How do you make your girlfriend scream during sex? Call and tell her about it."

"My tablet burned me today after I installed Tinder on my Kindle Fire."

"I decided not to have any children. I kid you not."

"My financial advisor told me that I could catch up on my bills if I stopped buying so much pizza. We laughed and laughed. Then I fired him."