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Joke of the Day

"i look at my phone's 100% battery icon with the same fondness as proud parents watching their children bounce out of bed yelling ""pancakes!"""

"Why was the chemist not able to get very far in his study of acids? He was only willing to consider the most basic of solutions."

"So the other day I went into a local shop with a sign that read ""Therapist"" They should really put a larger space between the ""e"" and the ""r"""

"My girlfriend told me she was pregnant Me: You gotta be joking! Her: No, I'm serious! Me: Hi, Serious! I'm dad."

"Day 2 of being Kidnapped. Kidnappers have now committed suicide."

"My local newspaper was holding a contest... For the best puns last week so I submitted ten, sure that at least one would win a prize, but no pun in ten did."

"I'm jealous of all the people that haven't met you!"

"A guy walks into a bar... The patient then exhibited signs of a concussion and a minor subdermal hematoma. Edit: Yes, a version of, ""A guy walks into a bar... and says 'ouch'."""

"Going to the middle east for Christmas Because Christmas is da bomb there... Came up that myself. I'll walk myself out..."

"How do you clear out an Iraqi bingo parlour? Call out ""B-52"""