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Joke of the Day

"i look at my phone's 100% battery icon with the same fondness as proud parents watching their children bounce out of bed yelling ""pancakes!"""

"What did George Washington say to his men on March 3rd Tomorrow we march forth"

"Yah I ordered a large pizza but it's thin crust/ light cheese so basically it's a salad ."

"What is the difference between a well dressed man on a bicycle and a poorly dressed clown on a tricycle? Attire"

"Let's put a little smile on that face..."

"I like my women how I like my coffee... In a Styrofoam cup"

"Why is star wars the most disgusting movie? Because its the most grossing."

"When I'm bored, I like to hold wedding ceremonies for my kitchen utensils. ""I now pronounce you pan and knife."""

"Whats a real pain in the butt? Dry anal."

"Don't even talk to me about how badass you are until you've seen how many ketchup packets i've stolen over the years"