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Joke of the Day

"Toddler: I don't like you. *hits* Adult: I don't like you. *tracks your movements for the rest of your life*"

"My gal pal: ""Are you on a diet? You look so nice & thin... What's you're secret?!"" Me: ""Poverty."""

"Did you hear about the Ramen warehouse that burned down? Dozens of dollars worth of Ramen was lost."

"Did you know that 1 in 4 people has multiple personality disorder? That means one of the me's has a problem."

"Say ""Rise up lights"" in your normal speaking voice. . . You just said ""Razor blades"" with an Australian accent."

"Trick or treat.. Smell my feet, give me something good to eat. If you don't, I don't care, I'll pull down your underwear. And that's why I was arrested, Your Honor."

"Had sex with my nephew's English teacher. Texted her the next day ""Last nite was grate. Your so awsome!"" so I don't have to see her again."

"To all the Republicans who might be mad if Trump loses... remember.... Hiter wasn't elected either! jk Trump2016!"

"I'm not a proctologist ... ... but I know an asshole when I see one."

"Why did the blonde get fired from the M&M factory? Because she kept throwing out all the Ws."