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Joke of the Day

"I play Jenga on our first date So she knows my pull out game is strong"

"I thought I might be pregnant. It turns out I'm just three months fat."

"Q: Who burped at the big bad wolf? A: Little Rude Riding Hood!"

"Why arent the americans playing chess? ...they are missing two towers."

"Two non-english speaking Mexican go to gran central... One of them goes up to the cashier and asks for ""tu tickets plees"". The cashier asks ""one-way?"" To which the Mexican responds ""no, two gueys."""

"If I had a daycare, I think it would be awesome to get each kid to wear one of those backpack-leash things and make them pull me on a sled."

"My Life: Wake up, Survive, Sleep"

"[First date] okay just dont let her know you're a trump supporter Her: so what kinda wine should I get Me: haha white is always the best"

"Watching a cooking show when ""We believe this was the last dish they served on the Titanic on that fateful day"" I bet that went down well."

"2 goldfish are in a tank. One looks at the other and says ""YOU MAN THE GUNS, I'LL DRIVE!"" HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! (I'm not deleting this)"